


Broken Compass.

by musicanova



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Not K-Pop Idols, And also is in love with Kkami, Crack, Enemies to Lovers, Fluff and Humor, Gratuitous use of anime tropes, Hyunjin likes things that are cute, M/M, Seungmin dabbles in the emo life for 0.01 seconds, aged down, bc I'm incapable of writing without it, eventually
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-24
Updated: 2019-08-16
Packaged: 2020-07-07 17:14:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 16,338
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19855960
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/musicanova/pseuds/musicanova
Summary: Welcome to Broken Shield. There’s nothing much to the place; everyone says it’s just like any old town. Not too big, not too small, blue skies, green grass. But Seungmin thinks there’s something in the water. Especially when he wakes up one morning to find out he’s fallen in love withhim.Disgusting.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> PREVIOUSLY TITLED: “Broken Shield” BECAUSE I’M AN ABSOLUTE IDIOT WHO JUST NOTICED SHE MISSED THE CHANCE TO MAKE THAT REFERENCE

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know what to say man this just happened?

**** Seungmin’s life is laughable. He takes absolutely no pride in saying this, but it’s an irrefutable statement that he unfortunately has to live with. Perhaps, in another universe, an alternate one where his parents aren’t bat shit crazy and he doesn’t have an older sister that forces him to do her eyeliner for her with his “Steady Eddie Hands”, Seungmin is having a good time. Maybe he’s chilling by the pool of his best friend-slash-neighbour, watching the sun set as they lick at melting ice cream. Maybe he’s sprawled on the floor of his bedroom reading a dystopian novel that’s actually been written well. Maybe he’s linking pinkies with his first love, shy smile on his face. Maybe he’s not sitting in the back of a 2011 Subaru Forester with his headphones blasting the worst emo music he can find, looking out the window as he moves towns for the third time in two years. 

Because that’s what _this_ Seungmin’s doing: sitting in the back of an old, beat up Subaru with his headphones blasting some idiot twelvie’s “Hate Life; Wanna Die” Spotify playlist, watching the houses he only got to know for seven months turn into a blur because he’s moving. Again. 

He doesn’t mean to be this much of a Debbie Downer. In fact, compared to his sister, Seungmin seems like an absolute angel — the epitome of sunshine and happiness and all things good. But that’s mostly in part because he’s not a stupid lovesick puppy with gigantic heart eyes for someone that doesn’t even know his name, he doesn’t draw said person-who-doesn’t-even-know-his-name’s initials on all of his textbooks surrounded by hearts, and he wasn’t invited to a party tomorrow that was going to be his one chance of being able to seduce person-who-doesn’t-even-know-his-name. 

Seungmin’s just… disappointed, is all. He’d hoped they could stay this time. 

Bellmare had been a really picturesque place; houses with vines creeping up the walls, flowers growing in the middle of the road, and the clouds somehow always looked nicer here than they’d been anywhere else. Seungmin barely made it through a third of the town photographing it all, and now it’s too late as it passes by him. 

He’d made a friend too, unlike in the last few towns, and it hurt to be leaving people behind. Seungmin hadn’t made any friends in a while. He got sick of the sinking feeling in his stomach every time he’d watch a smile fade from another friend’s face. But with the hope that they’d stay for at least a year, he’d let himself get attached to someone, and it made his blood itch in his veins. He’d forgotten how painful it was, and somehow he feels like it’s worsened because he hasn’t felt this feeling in a while now. 

Seungmin sighs. He doesn’t really like being this negative about things. It’s not something he enjoys, unlike his sister. But it’s kind of starting to feel like life’s telling him to be like this; like the sky’s shoving storm clouds down his throat while saying something stupid like “don’t be so naïve, you know nothing of this world”. (The sky’s voice sounds suspiciously like his vice-principal from three schools ago. That man was a real dick if Seungmin’d ever met one: he was always all about crushing kid’s dreams.)

He falls asleep somewhere in the middle of “Hate Life; Wanna Die”, a God-given miracle considering the only noise entering his ears is distasteful screeching accompanied by the scratchy sounds of someone who doesn’t know how to play the guitar, but desperately wants to pick up girls. 

When he awakes it’s because his sister’s jostling him, her grip on his shoulder strange as she complains that she can’t shove him any harder or her nails will break. (And they cost her a whole sixty-five so she’s not letting them go to waste!) Seungmin scrubs at his eyes groggily, finally pulling his earphones out and blessing his ears with the sweet melody of his mother nagging him. 

Anything sounds better than Hate Life; Wanna Die. 

Once the bare minimum of unpacking has been done, Seungmin all but collapses onto the floor, and he stays there until the exact moment he has to scramble up to his feet, face beet red and eyes glued to his socked feet because _someone_ forgot to tell him that the neighbours had come over to greet them. Seungmin’s not mad at his mum. Not at all! She has a perfectly loud voice that could’ve alerted him to the guy standing in front of him _before_ he ended up standing in front of him, but no! He just had to witness Seungmin lying face first on the wooden floor with his arms spread out like an aeroplane instead of standing upright like a normal human being. 

“Hey, Minnie right? I’m Hyunjin. Your mum said we’re the same age,” the guy says, smiling as if he didn’t just see Seungmin dead on the floor mere seconds ago. 

He bristles a little at the nickname, but something stops him from expressing his distaste for it. Sure, his mum’s allowed to call him that because that’s his _mum_ , but there’s just something about this guy that makes Seungmin want to give him a free pass. He tries to ignore the little voice in his head that tells him it’s because the guy is attractive. He’d hate to be that shallow of a person. 

“Nice to meet you, Hyunjin,” he finally responds.

Hyunjin only grins at him in response, helping himself to a seat on the bed. 

“So, Minnie. What do you think of Broken Shield so far?” 

“The house is nice. I was asleep the whole car ride though so I’m not sure about anything else,” Seungmin says, hovering around Hyunjin before deciding to settle into the empty space beside him. 

“Well I’ll show you around some time.” 

Seungmin lets Hyunjin talk about his home town after that; the stories just around the corner of this street. It’s when Hyunjin starts a story about the corner store he outlived that Seungmin has to bite his lip to quell his jealousy. He doesn’t think he’s been anywhere long enough to watch the scenery around him change. The feeling melts away quickly though, as Hyunjin’s reminiscing turns into ranting. 

“No one made better jelly cups! It’s like Mr. Lou put crack in them or something! And they were only twenty cents too! And don’t even get me started on the chips. Mr. Lou sold all the rare flavours. But now, all I have is expensive chocolate milk from the stupid vending machine! How could they kick Mr. Lou out, Minnie? How could they kick him out for a stupid laundromat? We all have our own washing machines anyway! It’s stupid.” 

Hyunjin has a ridiculous pout on his lips, his arms crossed and brows furrowed. 

“I don’t have a washing machine. Ours broke two weeks before moving and we haven’t bought a new one yet.” 

“Fine,” Hyunjin huffs, although he’s clearly disappointed that Seungmin doesn’t agree with him. “Laundromats aren’t stupid. But only because of you.” 

It’s after almost an hour of talking that Hyunjin’s mother yells for him, her voice shrill as she urgently calls her son downstairs. Her words are slurred into one strange franken-word in her haste, but Seungmin strings together something to do with “roast” and “before grandma” and “taxi”. 

Hyunjin hops off the bed and quickly attempts smoothing out the rumpled sheets before he heads for the door, stumbling a little as he goes. 

“Seungmin.” 

The boy whips his head around. 

“What?” 

“Uh,” Seungmin stutters. He hadn’t meant to say anything. He doesn’t even know why his mouth did that. “My name’s Seungmin.” 

“Okay,” Hyunjin smiles, “but I like Minnie better if you don’t mind?” 

⋆☆⋆

Seungmin potters about in the kitchen, trying his best to fix up a bowl of cereal. He’s quiet as he tiptoes to the fridge, nerves as fried as the chicken his mum made last night (for clarification, they were overcooked and on the edge of being classified as burnt). 

Moving schools never seems to get any easier. Seungmin hasn’t learnt to be quite as apathetic as his sister. He’s scared, even more so because the one time he completely botched up his greeting on the first day, they’d stayed in that town for two whole years — he doesn’t have the comfort of knowing he can just escape in a few months if he embarrasses himself. 

It’s a curse, Seungmin supposes. 

His life is laughable. 

Letting his jitters get the best of him, Seungmin puts on his blazer and backpack, righting his glasses on his nose before heading for the door. His hand trembles a little as he wraps it around the door knob, but he forces himself out and onto the front porch, only to startle at the figure sprawled out before him that’s snoring lightly. 

“Hyunjin?” Seungmin prods. 

It has no effect whatsoever, so Seungmin takes to trying to lift the boy off the ground. Is it an advised method of waking someone up? Perhaps not, but after all his efforts of being quiet in the kitchen he’s not about to start yelling, and he doesn’t want to start rolling his neighbour down the stairs either. It’s not Seungmin’s smartest moment, but in some small, dark corner of his mind he thinks that maybe if he can get Hyunjin to stand up, he’ll trick the guy’s brain into thinking he’s awake, thus waking him up. It’s bullshit, he has no evidence that this will work or that it ever has, but it’s worth the shot. 

“Baby no, I don’t wanna get up!” Hyunjin whines when Seungmin’s about a quarter of the way to getting him on his feet. “When did you become so strong? My lovely little Kkami you’re like a superhero!” 

Seungmin smiles a little at the thought of Hyunjin’s adorable dog, wondering when the next time he can meet him is, the owner of said dog slipping from his grip a little as his mind wanders. Seungmin snaps back to reality at that, getting Hyunjin upright with one final heave and sufficiently jostling the boy while he’s at it.

“Oh Minnie!” Hyunjin yells, _finally_ awake. 

Seungmin slaps a hand over his mouth and gives him a pointed look. 

“Oh Minnie!” Hyunjin whispers once more when Seungmin removes his hand. “Morning! Did you sleep well? Mum said I should take you to school since I only showed it to you yesterday, but she didn’t want me to miss you so I set a super early alarm. I’m not good at waking up early though so I uh, fell asleep again. Sorry about that.”

Seungmin needs to blink five times before he’s in the right mind to process anything Hyunjin’s saying, but when his brain catches up he can’t do anything but laugh. 

“Text me next time, idiot. We exchanged phone numbers for a reason,” he says with a roll of his eyes.

“You’re right I didn’t think about that,” Hyunjin rubs his neck sheepishly.

His embarrassment doesn’t last long though, as he pulls at the sleeve of Seungmin’s blazer and skips down the stairs, ready to lead the way. It’s strange how easily Seungmin’s nerves dissipate as he trails along behind his neighbour, listening to the guy talk about all of his friends at school. He can already feel himself starting to get attached, but Hyunjin is just so _warm_ , he can’t seem to care or get away. 

“Thank you,” Seungmin says out of the blue, right in the middle of Hyunjin’s spiel about why he shouldn’t ever go and pat the dog that’s down the street they just passed. 

It seems to be a recurring theme when he’s around Hyunjin; blurting out things he doesn’t mean to. 

“Right? I walked so you could run, Minnie. Now you don’t have to have your finger bitten. Which is what Gary did, by the way. I didn’t get to that part of the story yet. But yeah, he’s a little aggressive because he’s like, an actual guard dog.”

“No I-“ Seungmin starts to say. “I just meant you know, thank you. In general. For like, being a friend to me and stuff.” 

Seungmin swears Hyunjin melts at that, what with the way the boy stumbles, eyes wide and cheeks flushed pink.

“That was cute. That was really cute. I think I’m about to die.”

Silence settles over the two as Hyunjin recollects himself, Seungmin unable to find an appropriate answer to being called cute by someone his own age. Usually, it’s his mother’s friends or old ladies on the street who compliment him like that, and a polite word of thanks suffices, but somehow Seungmin feels this isn’t the situation for one of those. 

“I really like you, Minnie. I think we’re gonna be great friends,” Hyunjin tells him, looking over with a smile. 

“I hope so,” he replies. 

“And I know all my friends are gonna like you too! Especially Binnie. He’s cute just like you!” 

But oh, how wrong Hwang Hyunjin would be. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please look forward to future chapters if you enjoyed! Should be posting weekly!


	2. Chapter 2

**** “That’s Jisung,” Hyunjin says, pointing at a guy who’s unceremoniously stuffing his bags into his mess of a locker. 

Seungmin doesn’t really know what to make of the scene, except that he dearly hopes his locker won’t be situated closely to Jisung’s. Not that he can physically see any rotting food inside of it, but there are janky vibes emanating from the space, and Seungmin would prefer not to be contaminated should there be any dangerous substances within those confines. 

Jisung startles at the mention of his name, causing his belongings to fall onto the floor. 

No rotting food. But there is a poorly wrapped sandwich that Seungmin can unfortunately already tell Jisung will nonchalantly eat although it’s clearly touched the floor (and for more than five seconds). He crouches down to pick up some of the guy’s textbooks. 

“Oh no you don’t have to do that!” Jisung butts in, taking the books from Seungmin’s arms. “Thank you though. I can see why Hyunjin likes you so much.” 

“You already know about me?” Seungmin replies slowly, standing up.

He turns to Hyunjin, whose eyes have widened to the size of saucers and is staring Jisung down with a tense look on his face. Seungmin can see that Hyunjin’s fringe is shaking because of how tightly he’s clenched his jaw, and he looks back at Jisung.

“Come on, man! We’re not in the stone ages, we’ve all got phones. Minnie, right? Mole on your left cheek and looks like a puppy?” 

“Seungmin. And don’t call me a puppy.” 

Jisung grins at that, giving Seungmin a knowing nod. Faintly, he notices that the guy resembles a squirrel, but he decides not to comment on it. When he looks into Jisung’s eyes, he feels like they have some sort of alliance now. No mentions of puppies means no mentions of squirrels.

Jisung’s line of sight shifts after their agreement is settled, and his eyes light up. 

“Felix!” he shouts. “Where have you _been_?” 

Seungmin perks up at the familiar name, but is quick to shake his head. It’s not like Felix is all that popular of a name, but the likelihood of running into a friend from eight years ago is fairly slim. In an effort to not blindly get his hopes up though, Seungmin doesn’t turn around, and waits for this Felix to approach them instead. 

“I shit you not I had the worst weekend of my life,” Felix says as he walks over, “I literally got my phone confiscated, _and_ my dad sat with me while I played League to, and I repeat this word for word, ‘ _monitor how much of your life you’re wasting away on this stupid game_ ’. And all because what, I forgot to do the dishes? Like, sorry that I wanted to savour my last week of holidays before school starts again.” 

The boy’s voice startles Seungmin. Definitely not the Felix he knows. He turns around to introduce himself. 

“Min Min?” 

Correction: definitely _is_ the Felix he knows.

“You haven’t changed at all! I’d recognise you anywhere in a heartbeat. How have you been? Actually, where have you been? And also, what’s your regime for growing taller? I can’t believe you outgrew me, you promised me we’d always stay the same height! Oh, and how’s your sister? Also where do you live now? Can I come over today?” 

Seungmin has to close his eyes and lean away, as if the onslaught of questions is something he can feel physically attacking him. 

“Hi Lixie,” is the only thing he manages to say, but he thinks it’s understandable that he doesn’t remember any of the words Felix had just slung his way. 

“Small world!” Jisung claps his hands together in surprise. “Wouldn’t wanna paint it though.” 

Hyunjin rolls his eyes.

“There’s one more person in our group, but you can meet them later. He’s in the grade above us, so his lockers aren’t close to ours. We’ve got assembly first up though, so we’ve gotta head down to the gym soon.” 

Seungmin nods, jitters returning. He can’t believe he’d managed to forget he was nervous for a whole two hours, but he supposes he has Hyunjin to thank for it. And now, Jisung and Felix. It’s been a really long time since he’s started a new school with friends, and it sends one of those terrible, cliché’d, warm fuzzy feelings to his chest. 

Seungmin likes it. He wants it to stay.

Assembly is about as boring as it always is no matter what school Seungmin goes to. He tries to pay attention, but at around fifteen minutes in he starts playing with his hands and can’t find the will to stop himself. He’s pretty sure there are worse things he could be doing anyway — things that are a more blatant display to the fact he isn’t listening — and he didn’t even consider wagging, so he must still be a _somewhat_ decent student. 

In stark contrast, the rest of the morning is incredibly hectic. Seungmin doesn’t even have the time to look down at his hands, let alone fiddle with them. Distantly, he mourns the languid passing of time at his previous school. There was nowhere near as much of a hustle and bustle back in Bellmare — a smaller town means a smaller school — and just one glance at the campus map tells Seungmin he’ll be getting lost for weeks before this place becomes familiar to him. 

He’s grateful for the familiar faces he’s been blessed with (for once in his Goddamn life), and, unlike his usual self, he doesn’t pull away when someone excitedly tugs on his wrist to pull him to the lunch table. 

“Come _on_ slowpoke I’m hungry!” Jisung whines, his grip on Seungmin tightening. 

He finds himself being dragged unceremoniously towards a quiet corner of the campus, and when they arrive there’s someone already seated there.

“Who’s the newbie?” the guy says, barely looking up from his massive chocolate chip cookie. 

“This is Seungmin! The one Hyunjin was talking about in the group chat,” Jisung says. 

The guy nods once, but doesn’t take his eyes off the cookie he’s eating. When Seungmin tries to introduce himself, he only gets a grunt in return. Maybe he’s a man of few words. Maybe he has a sore throat and can’t speak today. Maybe he’s had a bad morning. Maybe he takes time to warm up to people. But then Seungmin has to turn to Felix to ask for the guy’s name (Changbin, he replies. Seo Changbin.) and things are starting to get a tad too ridiculous. 

It bugs Seungmin all the way home, even as he’s listening to Hyunjin talk about a crow he met when he was six. So when Hyunjin invites him over to have a little dip in the pool because it’s a warm afternoon, he doesn’t hesitate to say yes. He hopes to weasel a little bit of information on Changbin out of his neighbour, since clearly he won’t be getting a peepout of the man himself.

“I don’t mean to be rude, but I mean, what’s his deal?” 

“Dunno man,” Hyunjin shrugs, “he’s honestly never like that. Except sometimes when he’s super stressed? Which he shouldn’t be, because he would’ve told us if something was going on. Wrong side of the bed maybe?” 

“I’ll try again tomorrow then,” Seungmin says, his voice far away as he sets on his path to befriending the strange cookie guy. 

Broken Shield has been good to him so far even though it’s only been eight days, and he doesn’t need anyone ruining that for him. He has a great neighbour, he’s found an old friend, and he’s made a new one too. Screw “Hate Life; Wanna Die”. He’s going to enjoy his life, and Seo Changbin can either be his friend or perish. 

Of that, Kim Seungmin is sure. 

⋆☆⋆

Broken Shield is an old town, Seungmin’s father tells him over dinner. Their conversations had died down after uneventful stories of their days at work, but his dad has never been good at handling silence. The name comes from a medieval legend, the kind that Seungmin would have pored over for months on end had he been six years old (the kind his sister bullied him for adoring), and he looks over to his sister to find her rolling her eyes with a poorly concealed yawn. 

“Who cares?” she says through a mouth full of mashed potatoes. “It’s a stupid name anyway.” 

But Seungmin cares. The little six-year-old in him lights up, and he looks at his dad, waiting for him to continue.

He’ll give the town some credit: it’s a pretty good story. It’s exactly the kind of shit a little nerd would eat up (not that Seungmin is proclaiming to be a little nerd in any way _at all_ ), and he can just imagine the sort of games that kids would play at lunch time with the legend. 

While Seungmin was in Caneton playing boring old stuck-in-the-mud, kids of Broken Shield must’ve been having the Goddamn time of their lives. He can only fantasise about all the different antics he could’ve been up to if only he’d been here; hell, maybe he’d have been closer to his sister if they’d played broken shield instead of shoving each other over wonky chalk-drawn hopscotch growing up. 

When Seungmin’s back in his room, dinner digested and stomach yearning for dessert, he hops onto his laptop to research more about the history of Broken Shield. It’s definitely piqued his interest, and he doesn’t mean to be rude to his father, but he kind of doubts the accuracy of his storytelling. 

Norton, it used to be called back then. The central hub for exports with the city’s expanse stretching to the sea, there was never a time of day when Norton wasn’t busy. It was a chilly Thursday afternoon in 1475 when Sir Borgen arrived with his “army of delinquent youngsters” (Seungmin is perhaps not on the most reputable of websites) and began a riot, setting around a quarter of the city aflame, and using the fire as a distraction to steal as much as they could before disappearing into the night. But it doesn’t end there. 

Sir Borgen returns four months later, his army even larger than before, but Norton has been waiting for him, swords and all, sitting on the edge of their seats. The children Borgen had recruited back away in fear (and understandably so, because they’re _children_ , God, Sir Borgen that’s literally child labour), leaving a dwindling number to fight against the entire city of Norton. 

There were only three deaths on that Thursday. The first one was an unarmed drunk who was in the wrong place at the wrong time. He stepped out of his home only to be speared right through the stomach. The second was a farmhand from the East who had barged in with borrowed weapons, his lack of experience causing his downfall. His attempts to block Sir Borgen’s sword left him bleeding out on the ground with nothing but a broken shield. And the third death, the most triumphant of them all, was none other than Sir Borgen himself. 

“Distraught at the sight of her husband bleeding out in the middle of the street, Cecily Holland took the broken shield from the late man’s grasp and rammed it into Sir Borgen’s unsuspecting neck,” Seungmin reads, gasping at the grotesque drawing that’s pictured with the sentence. 

He imagines his own sister then, taking a paper plate from the pantry and chasing after Seungmin in the back yard, trying to defeat him. Seungmin shakes his head. How sad to be reminiscing his childhood while he’s still a child. 

When he picks up his phone, it’s to find a slew of texts from Hyunjin, and he smiles, opening up his messenger to tell him all about what he’s learnt. Hyunjin spends until two in the morning telling him all the crazy tales of Broken Shield — the kind you can’t find on the internet — and that night Seungmin dreams of being a stable boy alongside his new friends in a kingdom where Changbin is the surly king-to-be. 

⋆☆⋆

The first week of school flies by Seungmin as he finds himself bogged down with homework in the blink of an eye. The only thing that hasn’t changed from day one is Changbin, and Seungmin thinks he’s just about close to giving up on befriending the guy. He’ll tolerate him, sure, they have the same friends after all, but beyond that? He’s had enough. 

Changbin is filled to the brim with snarky comments, all of them muttered under his breath but just loud enough for Seungmin to catch. He almost thinks it’s on purpose. And well, if Changbin _wants_ Seungmin to hate him, who is he to say no? He’ll gladly take the role if it means he doesn’t have to keep having his greetings rejected with a glare. 

It’s a crisp Sunday when Felix invites everyone over to his house as a welcome party of sorts for Seungmin. Felix tells him that everyone in the group is notoriously late to everything, and warns him not to turn up too early, but it’s not something Seungmin is capable of. He turns up at 10 o’clock on the dot (an immense feat in itself, considering usually he would be at least ten minutes early), and Felix sighs as he opens the door, a sad smile on his face. 

“I told you not to come too early! No one else is here yet so we haven’t even gotten everything set up,” Felix huffs, although he still ushers Seungmin in. “Maybe next time I should lie to you what the time is.”

“I thought we were just… chilling?” Seungmin asks. 

“We are! But I asked Changbin to bring in cake, and Hyunjin’s in charge of the decorations, and Jisung’s supposed to be rolling up with more snacks, since his parents are like, the most lax about junk food and I’ve been craving Mountain Dew for three weeks.” 

Seungmin scrunches his nose. _Changbin?_ Bringing _him_ cake? It sounds unlikely given the events of the past six days. Already, they’ve had two squabbles (don’t ask, Seungmin’s not proud of them) and the guy has an incredible sweet tooth, so Seungmin’s not sure that he trusts his sense of taste enough to leave him on cake duty. But more importantly, he feels a little uncomfortable to be the centre of attention like this. 

It’s not even his birthday for crying out loud, and Felix is making sure that Hyunjin has an appropriate number of party poppers (which is apparently nine, so two party poppers each and one extra in the case of an emergency requirement of more fun), not to mention Seungmin turned up absolutely empty-handed?

“Look if it makes you feel any better, we’ll take any excuse to party and stuff our faces with food.” 

Felix still knows him so well. He must’ve gathered from the panicked expression that was starting to make its way onto his face. Seungmin’s always been good at looking like the sky is falling. His mother tells him it’s something about his eyebrows. 

“But also, take a seat and pretend like you know nothing because I _just_ remembered this was supposed to be a surprise.” 

When Hyunjin arrives he has Jisung in tow, having bumped into the other while walking. But his large smile turns into a look of white fury when it’s Seungmin who opens the door, and soon he’s reduced to a whining mess with a vice grip on Felix’s arm. 

“I thought Seungmin was supposed to turn up later!” he says, voice trembling in the fake cheery manner he’s forcing it to be in. 

Seungmin’s starting to notice that Hyunjin tends to place himself into situations where he has to tensely play the part of someone whose life is going on track. It’s amusing for an outsider like Seungmin, but he can’t imagine what’s taking place in Hyunjin’s head. Most likely he’s strangling Felix in there, shaking him about like a rag doll. He assumes it’s best not to mention he knows of the surprise. 

It’s Changbin that comes last, which is of absolutely not surprise to Seungmin (he learns that Changbin is always last and it’s nothing against him, but he’s pretty sure Changbin’s late _and_ it’s everything against him), but what does surprise him is the large container in his arms that hides half of his face. 

“Cake.”

Changbin’s voice is blunt as he holds the container out to Seungmin, and he accepts it wordlessly, unsure of what to say. He manages to mumble out a quick thank you before taking the box into the kitchen and placing it on the dining table next to the endless mountain of snacks Jisung brought. 

Hyunjin crashes into the kitchen then, pushing Felix aside and latching himself onto Changbin.

“Binnie!” he cries, making the boy in question wince. “What kind of cake did you make today? Is it chocolate? I hope it’s chocolate. It’s not cheesecake, right? You did that last time and you should stop indulging Jisung so much.” 

“See for yourself,” is all the guy says, making a vague gesture at the container Seungmin set down and crumpling into a chair, taking Hyunjin with him. 

Tentatively, Seungmin opens the container, and he’s met with the kind of extravagance he’s only ever seen in shop windows. The cake is two-tiered, adorned with macaron halves and swirls of icing, and one plump cherry crowning the centre. 

“Wow,” he says, breathless and already reaching for his back pocket where his phone is for a photo, “this is amazing.” 

The air changes at that moment, and Seungmin doesn’t have to look at Changbin to know he’s bristling in his seat. 

“Well, why don’t you try baking at eleven at night because you’ve spent two hours scraping week-old dough off a whisk with your nails since your mum ‘whoops! Forgot to clean it last time I used it!’ — I doubt you could do much better than this.”

Seungmin is silent for a moment, taken aback. 

“I was being sincere. This is honestly… beautiful,” he says, and there really isn’t any other word for it than beautiful — Seungmin has, in this moment, found himself cakesexual, and there’s no turning back. 

Changbin scoffs at him, sneering. “ _Sincere_? I didn’t know you were capable of that, newbie. In the least, you should work on your tone of voice in case some poor innocent misunderstands.” 

Seungmin throws Changbin a sharp look, but decides not to respond, instead closing the container with a snap and reaching for a bag of chips instead. It’s Hyunjin who breaks up the tension, squirming in Changbin’s lap until he has the guy’s attention, and while he has him distracted Felix comes up to Seungmin’s side. 

“I think he’s just embarrassed you complimented him so openly,” he whispers.

While Seungmin can understand that, he really can’t imagine the need to be quite so hostile. Obviously everyone else is a lot more lenient about Changbin’s behaviour because they’re actually _friends_ , but he can’t exactly say the same for himself. He nods in agreement though, not wanting to start anything when they’re all gathered to have some fun.

“If it makes you feel any better though, he’s an absolute disaster in the kitchen if he’s not baking. Almost set fire to the kitchen twice while chopping vegetables and I don’t even know how.” 

Funnily enough it does make Seungmin feel a little better, if only for the sake of knowing he at least has something to hold above Changbin’s head when he tries to have a go at him again. Once the strange atmosphere has dissipated and Seungmin and Changbin’s argument is forgotten, they slowly relocate into the living room, arms laden with all the junk food a grocery store could possibly hold and ready for a movie. 

They’re half way through _The Force Awakens_ when Jisung decides they’ve all seen this movie enough times that they can carry a conversation without anyone complaining that they don’t understand what’s going on. Seungmin would say it’s a fair point, except that he loves _The Force Awakens_ , so he can’t help but feel a little bit disappointed. Especially when the first topic of conversation is himself. 

“Actually there’s something I’m really curious about,” Hyunjin says through a mouth full of caramel popcorn. “How’d you and Felix meet?” 

It’s not a particularly interesting story per se, but Seungmin spices it up a little for the sake of not having himself drowned out by the movie. The short version of it is that they just happened to be the only two Asians in the class at primary school, but Seungmin decides to tell it as if they’re the two protagonists of a war movie, just them against the world. 

“God I was so heartbroken when you left,” Felix says softly, his voice barely heard above the fight scene on the screen. 

Seungmin whips his head over to where Felix is sprawled over Jisung and Changbin, his hands fiddling with the hem of his shirt. 

“Why do you all look so depressed? He’s here now!” he laughs, the mood instantly changing. “It’s just, thinking about it is all sad and yucky because I was like, definitely in love with you back then. Like I’m not even sure I could call it a crush. You probably knew that though, right? My mum said I was about as subtle as a brick through a window.” 

Seungmin tenses at that, and watches as Changbin does the same. But the guy’s mouth is open before Seungmin can say a word of his own. 

“Why would you have a crush on _him_?” Changbin snorts, although he lacks any humour in his voice. He then turns to Seungmin, his gaze icy. “I can’t believe you broke Felix’s heart, newbie.”

And it’s in that moment that everything falls into place. Other than the fact that he’s just not that great a person, Seungmin had come to notice that perhaps being Hyunjin’s neighbour was something… not optimal for Changbin. He remembers Hyunjin telling him that he considered himself closest to Changbin out of the whole group, so he can imagine that he looks like something of a threat to the guy. And now, with Changbin’s posture and the way that he’s glaring holes into Seungmin as if there’s no tomorrow, it makes sense. It all makes sense. 

Seungmin had thought that his life was laughable, but perhaps it is Changbin’s that is much, much worse. He looks at the group, observes the hodgepodge bunch, and finds himself trying to conceal a chuckle. Changbin has a thing for Felix. It’s undoubtable with the kind of reaction he’s just had, and Seungmin can’t help but think wow, how incredibly _unfortunate_ for him. 

It doesn’t take a blind man to notice that Felix has a thing for Jisung. Or that Jisung definitely has a thing for Hyunjin (particularly his thighs), and that Hyunjin has a thing for… Kkami, but that’s leaning into bestiality, so Seungmin won’t think about that one. Either way, the point still stands: Kim Seungmin has found himself surrounded by a love triangle. Square. Pentagon? Line. It’s a line. A love line. 

He tries to turn his attention back to the movie, but somehow he can’t stop thinking about the fact that he’s basically ruined Changbin’s life. 


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy August guys!

**** It doesn’t get better. 

Everything Seungmin tries, it never gets better. They fight, and they fight, and it doesn’t stop. 

At the three month mark, Seungmin comes to realise that there’s nothing all that much to hate Changbin about. The thought surprises him a little, although he thinks somewhere in a dusty corner of his mind he always knew. It’s tiring to be fighting so often, and over such tiny things. It doesn’t stop him, though. Somehow, Seungmin can’t help himself. 

“Move over, newbie. You’re hogging the shade,” Changbin says, nudging Seungmin’s thigh with his foot. 

And again, he tries. Seungmin really, _really_ tries. But he can’t just shuffle over wordlessly, it’s impossible. 

“You do realise my name is Seungmin, right? I feel like you’re not _quite_ daft enough to have not noticed that yet.”

“I don’t see anyone else who’s joined this group,” Changbin shrugs, seemingly unbothered as he plonks himself onto the ground, “so obviously that means you’re still our newbie.” 

Seungmin’s retort dies on his tongue. He was so ready to rip Changbin a new one once and for all, but that was before he heard Changbin say _our_. Our newbie. Not just newbie, not _the_ newbie, not _a_ newbie. Our. 

He’s aware this doesn’t seem like much, but there’s something about it that flips a switch inside of him. It’s these small crumbs that Changbin leaves from time to time that made Seungmin come to his realisation in the first place. Changbin’s just… strange. He doesn’t _hate_ Seungmin, not in the way he tries to seem like he does. He’s so kind to the rest of the group. So patient with them and always willing to help, and Seungmin knows — he knows that he practically took the two people closest to Changbin away from him. And he’s pretty sure that’s enough of a reason for the guy to be so hostile. He won’t blame him for that one.

Changbin doesn’t stop calling him newbie. In fact, he’s pretty sure the guy has never so much as uttered his name. Even when he’s not there, he’s referred to as newbie, and something in Seungmin tells him that even if they do find someone new to join their group, Changbin won’t stop. 

And he’s right. Five months after moving to Broken Shield, Seungmin bumps into a boy on his way to lunch, not even ten steps away from where they’re usually seated. It’s the other guy’s fault, what with how he was running with his eyes glued to the ground, but he’s all teary at the sight of his ruined lunch (Seungmin sternly tells him not to touch the dirt-covered fried rice) and he can’t help but sit the boy down with their group and slide him half of his lasagne. 

Changbin calls Jeongin Jeongin. Just like he should, because that’s his name. Seungmin remains newbie. 

Hyunjin is used to hearing Seungmin’s complaints about Changbin. He tends to do it a lot while they’re sitting together doing homework, and Seungmin doesn’t doubt that the guy gets an earful from Changbin over the phone late at night as well. 

He listens keenly, which Seungmin is always surprised about, and he wonders what goes through Hyunjin’s mind while he’s talking. Sometimes he suggests things for how to get closer, or how to stop fighting (not that they work, obviously) but it’s interesting to Seungmin that he never seems to defend Changbin for his actions. Or even more so, he’s never been all that fazed that Changbin is so different towards Seungmin. 

In return, Seungmin always listens to Hyunjin’s concerns, of which he has many. Sometimes, when they’ve set up their homework and have their pencils poised, Seungmin can tell it’s not a day for him to be unloading, and he waits for Hyunjin to start talking while he’s highlighting key phrases in his textbook. 

On particularly bad days, and especially when they’re in Hyunjin’s room and not his, Hyunjin will put down his pen with a sigh, and Seungmin will slowly coax him over to his bed until they’re lying side by side. Those days aren’t frequent, but they happen every now and again, and he’s more than happy to be a shoulder for Hyunjin to lean on. He’s always liked the idea of others thinking of him as someone they can turn to when they need support. 

Wednesday isn’t one of those days, but it feels close to it. Seungmin knows something’s on Hyunjin’s mind, so he sits and waits, brows furrowed at the equation he’s been staring at for five minutes. He’s just about close to giving up on studying maths at all when Hyunjin snaps his textbook shut for him and gives him a look. 

“You’ve changed,” is all he says. 

“Have I?” Seungmin questions, putting his pencil down. 

He can’t imagine what Hyunjin could be talking about. Seungmin’s always been just like this. In fact, it almost scares him how much he hasn’t changed. He has the same favourite colour, same favourite animal, same favourite food, same personality although a little less naïve, same taste in music (his era of being obsessed with the upbeat times tables songs does _not_ count) and the only thing he can honestly say has changed is the fact that his hair is brown now instead of black. Except that happened back in Bellmare, so Hyunjin hasn’t even seen that. 

“You don’t hate Changbin.” 

“I never hated Changbin.” 

Hyunjin levels him with a look, but doesn’t deign to say any more. Seungmin purses his lips in response, and he goes to pick up his pencil again, but stops himself. It makes Hyunjin snort a little, and he doesn’t appreciate it. There is nothing laughable about this situation (past-Seungmin would whole-heartedly disagree; remember when he was calling his entire existence laughable? How long ago was that again? Yesterday? And every day before that?) and Hyunjin should know. 

“You’re pulling words out of your arse, dude. Nothing’s changed. I haven’t changed.”

But he has, and he knows it. It’s only the slightest shift; the tiniest of realisations that maybe Changbin’s not all that bad, never has been, and all it is is that they got off on the wrong foot, but it’s something. And he hates how Hyunjin’s noticed.

“If you call me slapping Changbin’s hand for trying to take the last sushi roll a _change_ then be my guest.”

Hyunjin remains silent, which honestly irks Seungmin even more, but he chooses to return to his studying with a small huff. He won’t admit defeat — at least, not out loud where Hyunjin can hear it, and not yet. 

Seungmin is loathe to admit how much Hyunjin’s words affect him in the end. He gave his best shot at ignoring them, but now he’s so conscious of his every action and he doesn’t know what to do with himself. 

He’s being petty, he knows it, but every now and again Seungmin just wants to be a bratty teenager: it’s the way of life! What’s the point of going through adolescence without taking the chance to be an annoying piece of shit even once? Why go through puberty if you don’t seize the stereotypes by the balls sometimes? 

So maybe Changbin hates him even more after today. That’s alright, Seungmin can deal with that. 

But Hyunjin’s words won’t stop sticking to him like a packet of forgotten lollies melting in a car under the summer sun. 

“Fine, I’ve changed,” he sighs as they hop off the bus. 

Hyunjin turns to him with a look of pure glee plastered over his face and he almost trips over himself, crushing a dandelion that was growing through the cracks of the footpath. 

“It’s not worth anything though. It’s not like Changbin will change.” 

That’s all Seungmin has to say on the topic, although he can tell his friend is unsatisfied with the conclusion. He watches on in amusement as Hyunjin opens his mouth multiple times, looking like that dumb fish his sister won at a festival that only lived for three days. 

“Spit it out, I know you’re terrible at keeping secrets. Did he say something about me?” 

“You don’t really know Changbin, do you,” Hyunjin asks instead, although it’s not phrased like a question. 

Seungmin doesn’t have much to refute. He doesn’t know Changbin past stories from everyone else and deductions from his own observation. But that’s not _his_ fault — if Changbin could stop being an arsehole for one second and open up a little, maybe Seungmin _would_ know him. 

He feels his hackles rise a little. It’s not like Hyunjin’s tone was accusatory or anything, but it irritates him to think that after all of this _trying_ , Hyunjin might think he hasn’t tried enough. 

“He thinks of you as a friend, you know,” he says nonchalantly with his hands in his pockets as if he hasn’t just said something completely and utterly life-changing. 

Seungmin didn’t know that. Of course Seungmin didn’t know that. Would he even be here ranting day in and day out if he knew that? _He thinks of you as a friend, you know._ Yeah, right. When pigs fly, Hwang Hyunjin. When pigs fly. 

“Look I get that he’s your best friend and everything, but you have to be wrong. This isn’t friendly banter, he’s… attacking me. All the time, and for seemingly no reason other than what — being close to you and Felix? He’s nowhere near as bad with any of you guys. We’re not even in the same ballpark.” 

Hyunjin looks like he wants to say something more, but the guy just gnaws on his bottom lip for the rest of the trek home instead. And as good as Seungmin’s gotten at reading Hyunjin, he’s not good enough to know the next words Hyunjin wanted to tell him. For now, he’ll have to make do with assuming it was going to be an elaboration on how he broke Felix’s heart and practically stole Hyunjin. It’s the most logical explanation. 

But something about that doesn’t feel right. 

He remains silent for practically the rest of the day, and when he retires to his bedroom to lie down and read the new book he picked up from the library, he can’t seem to focus on it. Eventually he gives up, setting the book down to read another time when he’s in a better mood — he doesn’t want to be ruining a decent book just because he’s a little grouchy. 

Seungmin picks himself up off the floor and onto his bed, switching his lights off. 

It’s probably best not to think about it all so much. 


	4. Chapter 4

**** As seems to be the case every year, when Seungmin opens his eyes after a nap to catch up from all the sleepless nights of studying for his finals, it’s already Christmas. It’s like clockwork: he finishes the school year, he goes out to treat himself for surviving high school yet again, he goes home, he hits the hay, and BAM! It’s suddenly Christmas. 

He supposes it’s his post-school zombie-like state that gives him the illusion that time has passed so quickly, but he can’t help but feel disappointed about how much of his holidays have passed by him already. 

Christmas is a time Seungmin has always spent with his family. Always house hopping across the country, it’s moments like these that are a tradition he can’t bear to break. And yet here he is, stuffing homemade cookies in a duffel bag so that he can set out to Felix’s house. He feels bad. It’s like he’s leaving his family behind. But he’s also buzzing out of his skin, enough so that his father’s confessed he’s scared of just how cheery Seungmin is today. 

As any broke high school student with poor money management skills (of which Seungmin is not, but the majority of his money is locked away in a bank account only his parents have access to, so he supposes he’s in the same boat) is fond of doing, the group decides on Secret Santa. It not only saves money because you’re only buying a present for one person, but there’s also a budget set so that no one breaks themselves trying to buy something they know is perfect but can’t afford.

This year (Seungmin says, in the hopes that it’ll be the first of many) he pulls Jeongin’s name out of the hat, and he smiles at how easy it is to think of what to get him. His first plan is to make the boy a container of fried rice just like when they first met. But considering his budget, he can afford to use only the nicest ingredients his money can buy, and make enough for Jeongin to take home — and hopefully not drop when he crashes into someone else. With the remaining cash, he’ll buy Jeongin a phone case. Something similar to the one on his own phone that Jeongin showed interest in. 

He knows that Hyunjin has Felix. As good of a friend as he is, he’s terrible at being discrete, and there’s been a countless increase in the number of times Hyunjin has looked over at Felix since drawing a name out of the Secret Santa Hat. He also (and this is probably the actual giveaway, but Seungmin just wanted to reiterate that he didn’t need this happening to help him figure it out) asked Seungmin the kinds of things Felix liked when he was a kid. 

With how excited Felix has been about Secret Santa, he might guess that the guy pulled Jisung’s name. He’s pretty sure Felix’s freckles have been shining since he opened his little piece of paper. It’s really rather his whole face than his freckles, but Seungmin swears they _do_ also look… happier. If freckles can even look happy.

Changbin and Jeongin have been incredibly hard to read, as has (incredibly surprisingly) Jisung, so with only half of the group figured out, Seungmin thinks this might be the most exciting Secret Santa he’s ever done. His bar is set pretty low, considering he’s done it a total of two times before with his home room and he figured out who his Santa was in about a week. Not to mention the budget was fifteen bucks since they were all kids, and his first time was ruined since the girl Seungmin hated the most in class gave him a fucking frog. 

Which isn’t to say that Seungmin has anything against frogs. It was just ugly. And deformed. And not even remotely anatomically correct. And also the size of his thumb. And definitely, definitely not fifteen dollars. 

Upon arriving at Felix’s house for Christmas, Seungmin is slapped in the face with the most fairy lights he’s ever had the pleasure of coming across in his life. Seungmin doesn’t even think he sees a house: it’s just lights, and more lights. It’s worse because everyone else on Felix’s street is significantly… not hyped about Christmas, and there are only two other houses with any lights up at all. 

Approaching Felix’s blinding residence, Seungmin has to squint a little, holding his duffle bag a little higher to try and shield his eyes. He reaches out a hand to pat down the wall where he thinks the doorbell is, and makes a satisfied sound when he succeeds in pushing it. The only problem being that the interior of the Lee family home is not much better at all, because Felix is wearing an ugly light-up Christmas sweater, as is his entire household. 

“Welcome, welcome! I can’t believe it worked! I told you a later time than everyone else and now you’re only the second person here!” 

Seungmin regrets to inform Felix that being second to Jeongin is not much of a feat at all since the boy is on the dot about everything, but he supposes it counts as some sort of an achievement that he’s not horrendously early. At this point, he thinks Felix needs to start a regular routine where he tells Jeongin the real time, Seungmin a later time, and Hyunjin, Jisung and Changbin an earlier time. 

When the late crew arrive, Seungmin and Jeongin have been shoved into their own horrendous light-up sweaters. He would have loved to refuse, but Mrs. Lee was so insistent, _and_ she picked them out specifically for each of them, so it was a situation where he unfortunately had to concede. Seungmin does, however, take great pleasure in blinding the new guests by turning on the flashing setting as Felix opens the door. Jisung almost collapses onto the floor in fright; Hyunjin, to his credit, only makes a small squeaking sound, but what shocks Seungmin is the way that Changbin reaches his arms out to cling to the nearest thing (Jisung’s flailing form) for a split second before coming to his senses and standing stoically beside his friends, face stormy. 

So maybe Christmas isn’t the best time to piss Changbin off. But at least it was amusing. 

It seems to be a recurring theme that this group is incapable of actually doing anything until they’re so stuffed full of food that they’ve all had to unbutton their pants and are lying basically on top of each other. Christmas is no different, except that this time Seungmin came prepared and brought tracksuit pants with him, and a spare pair for someone to borrow as well. Jeongin, who was even smarter, came in loose attire already (so sue Seungmin for wanting to be fashionable for _once_ in his life with his skinny jeans), but Changbin in his faux-leather pants looks incredibly uncomfortable. 

The _most_ uncomfortable, in fact, that Seungmin almost offers his spare pair to him, until Jisung snatches them out of his hands with a “thanks mate”, proceeds to strip in front of everyone (thank _God_ Felix’s sisters are already asleep and his parents have retired for the night), only to have the pants fall straight back to the ground because he has an itty bitty supermodel waist — Seungmin stresses that these are Felix’s words, and absolutely not his. 

Felix, who has comfortably changed into pyjamas, offers Jisung a pair of his own pants, blush creeping up his face, but refuses to lend any to Changbin when the guy starts whining to borrow a pair as well. With Hyunjin content in his roomy Santa costume and only one last resort, Changbin turns to Seungmin. Slowly. Ever so slowly. 

And bites his lip.

“Can I-“ he starts, but Seungmin’s already chucking the pants in his direction, telling him he’ll need to roll up the hems maybe five, six times to make them the right length. 

He doesn’t need to look Changbin’s way to know that the guy is scowling over at him. 

When they’re all seated comfortably in forgiving pants, Hyunjin ushers the group into a circle, scooting his butt across the floor and dragging his backpack behind him.

“So!” he says, clapping his hands together. “Secret Santa. Who’s going first?”

One intense game of scissors, paper, rock (and an unfortunate rendition of the Axis of Awesome album of the same name by Jisung) later, Jeongin is the first to guess his Santa. He picks up the box with his name on it from under the makeshift Christmas tree made of used toilet paper rolls, and shakes it a little as he sits back down. 

“Any guesses before you open?” Hyunjin asks. 

“Mmmm, Changbin?” Jeongin muses. “I’m not sure, but the wrapping is so neat it looks like someone got their mum to do it. So it’s probably Changbin.” 

There’s a low hum of laughter at how accurate that observation is, although Seungmin knows he’s wrong. 

Jeongin unwraps his gift slowly, carefully, folding the wrapping paper and putting it in his bag before opening up the box. He gasps at the sight inside, and immediately mumbles “Seungmin” as he lifts the container of fried rice out. 

“Did you make this?” he asks, eyes sparkling, and suddenly Seungmin feels shy. 

Jeongin opens the lid, eyes closing as he breathes in the wafting scent of the fried rice. He gives an appreciative hum before tentatively sticking his tongue out and poking it into the container, scooping up a couple of grains of rice. After a nod of approval he closes the lid with a snap and goes to place the fried rice back into the box when he notices something else in the bottom. 

“A phone case!” he shrieks, eyebrows high on his forehead in surprise. 

Seungmin can’t help but smile as he watches the boy fumble around for his phone so that he can put the new case on. Jeongin is like the little brother he never had, and in that moment he can’t imagine why his sister would pass up the chance of delighting her younger sibling (aka: _him_ ) to be a little bitch instead. 

Felix goes next, who opens his gift to find the TMNT model he’d always wanted as a kid. He sputters as he opens it, confused because Seungmin’s already given his gift to Jeongin, but more so than that, overwhelmed that after all these years he has the figurine in his bare hands. He never guesses it’s Hyunjin, although he smacks himself in the head when it’s revealed. 

Hyunjin demands that, seeing as he was clever enough to not be identified, he deserves to be the next to open his present. He pouts a little at how small it seems, but brightens immediately when he finds a book voucher. Hyunjin stares at it for a really long time, admiring the red and white pattern of the card when Jeongin speaks up, hands twisting together with unease.

“Well the budget was 30 bucks so I couldn’t get you the book you wanted, but… this can go towards it, right?” 

Hyunjin whips his head up, pout back on his face. 

“Jeonginnie! I hadn’t guessed yet!” 

Now with Jeongin off the table, Seungmin is down to Jisung or Changbin as his Secret Santa, and he prays to all the Gods above that it’s Jisung. He doesn’t have much time to send his prayers up though when he wins the next round of scissors, paper, rock.

When he lifts his present up from under the tree, he notes that it’s wrapped neatly, and he has a sinking feeling that his Santa is Changbin. Seungmin holds his breath as he undoes the ribbon, presses his lips together as he lifts the lid, and gulps when he sees what’s sitting inside. 

He wants to laugh. Or punch something. Or cry. Or kill someone? He’s not quite sure. 

The gift is from Changbin. Of course it is, because, and Seungmin feels like this is becoming a mantra to him now, his life is laughable. Jisung and him have a pact. He would never give Seungmin a dog collar. And Changbin has absolutely no regard for Seungmin’s feelings _and_ likes to constantly remind him of how much he resembles a puppy. 

“Changbin-“ he chokes out, taking the collar out of the box. 

“Ooh, _kinky_!” Felix hollers with a laugh, but Seungmin is beyond unamused. 

“What the hell, man?” he spits. 

It’s strange to see Changbin stutter, to see him stumble over his words. He barely catches it when the guy tells him it was just meant to be a joke, because his head’s hung so low it’s almost in his lap and he looks so, so small. Seungmin almost feels guilty. 

He heaves a deep sigh before he unclasps the collar with unstable hands, and puts it on. 

There’s a collective whisper of “oh my God” that rings around the room, and Seungmin wants to rip the leather off his neck when he sees the blushes creeping up the necks of over half the circle. Changbin doesn’t look up. In an effort to lighten the mood, Seungmin barks twice, before dissolving into giggles at the ridiculousness of the situation. He is, however, rather disturbed that he now knows more about his friends than he ever wanted to. 

Growing impatient, it’s Jisung who goes to the tree next, picking up his present without a game of scissors, paper, rock with Changbin, who yells in protest, but surrenders when he realises he’s too lazy to pick himself off the floor to retrieve his own gift. 

Seungmin turns to watch Felix, seeing his blush from before grow deeper, and he has to bite back a smirk or he’ll start laughing. The boy is whipped. 

His gift is really thoughtful, a pop filter and mic mount set after Jisung said he broke his being too swaggy. Seungmin is rather dubious of this, but he assumes Jisung had gotten too enthusiastic rapping in his makeshift home studio. He doesn’t mean to doubt that his friend has swag, he hasn’t even had the pleasure(?) of listening to Jisung’s music yet, but something inside him tells him Jisung isn’t quite as swaggy as he says he is. 

Seungmin barely pays attention to Changbin when he opens his present, too busy fiddling with the collar around his neck, unbuckling and buckling the band. He receives some dumb instruction manual on how to pick up boys, and makes his first use of the book by smacking Jisung upside the head with it. Seungmin spaces out somewhere in the middle, absentmindedly running a finger up and down the leather around his neck while Jeongin picks a Christmas movie to put on the TV.

Strangely enough, Seungmin doesn’t take the collar off for the rest of the night. 


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really out here not proofreading any of my works ever 
> 
> Forgive me :(

**** It’s February. God knows how it’s February, because Seungmin is pretty sure they just celebrated New Years, but somehow it is: he’s standing in front of his locker and switching out his books for the next lot of subjects. It’s not even the first day of school. Hell, it’s not even the first _week_ of school. 

He’s been pretty out of it recently, and he’s not sure why. He tries to chalk it up to the fact that he’s been taking longer showers, but it doesn’t really add up, except for the fact that he’s tried stepping out earlier and somehow his body just won’t move. It doesn’t want to. It’s no real skin off his nose because he genuinely enjoys a nice long shower, but… that doesn’t change the fact that it’s strange.

Maybe it’s hormones, he tries to tell himself, and that’s plausible too, except he doesn’t think that hormones do this. 

He doesn’t realise he’s been standing in front of his closed locker door for far too long until the sound of the bell brings him back to his senses. Seungmin’s head shoots up, trying to find the clock on the wall until he remembers it was taken down. It’s not like his locker is all that far from his next classroom, but Seungmin has never been late to a class in his life, and the thought of it happening now chills him to the bone. He can’t let that happen.

In an effort to take a shortcut, he whizzes down one of the back staircases. He’d try skipping every second step, but there’s always been something a little scary about walking _down_ the stairs in twos. Something that makes him feel like gravity won’t be on his side. One of his laces is coming undone, he can feel his shoe become looser on his foot, but he chooses to ignore it. There’s no time to waste.

Nearing the last few steps, Seungmin spots Changbin sauntering off to one of his classes. He’s all slow, deliberate steps like he doesn’t care about being late, and Seungmin shakes his head in disapproval. Education is a serious matter, and he can’t understand why other people don’t seem to comprehend that. Shaking his head seems to be a bad idea though, because in that split second he loses his balance, trips on his lace, stumbles down the stairs, and lands square on Changbin.

Lands square on Changbin’s- 

Lands- 

Uh. Hold on.

Lands square on- 

(LandssquareonChangbin’slips.) 

Seungmin’s life is laughable. 

Seungmin’s life is aggressively, horrendously laughable. Of all the things that could possibly have happened the one time he was too lazy to retie his loose shoelace, he tripped, and Changbin tried to catch him, and he landed. On Changbin. On Changbin’s _lips_. Like some kind of shitty romcom his sister’s too haughty to admit she adores. 

Seungmin’s life is laughable. 

He’s frozen. He wants to get off. Trust him, he _wants_ to, but it’s like when he’s in the shower: he can’t seem to move. And Changbin’s lips are warm, and so is his body, just like the spray of water as Seungmin scrubs at his skin with his favourite pomegranate body wash, and maybe in another world this could’ve been nice. But by now he’s been pressed up to Changbin’s lips for far too long that it’s weird — too weird. So he slowly reaches out to push himself off, and when he meets Changbin’s eyes, the guy is absolutely dazed. 

Seungmin stares at him, both of them in a trance, and they’re just there, casually, in the middle of the corridor lying on top of each other, eyes unblinking. Until the last warning bell for class rings, startling Seungmin enough to make him jolt off of Changbin. 

“S-sorry, dude,” he stutters, picking up his books and sprinting off to class. 

He doesn’t look back. 

⋆☆⋆

Changbin doesn’t come to school the next day. 

Or the next. 

Or the next. 

At first, Seungmin just assumes he’s avoiding him around campus after their… thing, but the fact that he doesn’t spot him anywhere at all in three days tells him he just hasn’t been coming. He almost feels sick to the stomach. He didn’t cause this, right? There’s no way Changbin would skip school just because they accidentally kissed.

_Fuck_ , Seungmin was trying to get that off his mind right now. Why did he just think about it again? 

He asks Hyunjin at lunch if he knows anything about Changbin. What he gets in return is a shrug and a “bedridden, apparently” and those aren’t exactly very comforting words. Bedridden why? Because of the k- because they had a thing? Because he’s actually sick? Because he’s hurt himself? 

Hyunjin reads the worry on his face in seconds and pulls out his phone, putting it on loud speaker as he rings Changbin. 

“What?” comes Changbin’s gruff voice, same as always. 

“Just checking up on you. Dunno if you’ve noticed but you’ve kind of been M.I.A dude,” Hyunjin says.

“Yeah, dude!” Jeongin echoes.

“Well I’m- I’m _thick_ ,” Changbin replies. 

And that’s all Seungmin needs to hear before his mind wanders elsewhere. It’s good, he supposes. If Changbin’s actually ill, then that means it has nothing to do with him. When Changbin’s feeling better they can just ignore the fact that it ever happened and move on like always. Right? There’s no reason why that wouldn’t work. 

While spaced out, Seungmin doesn’t get to hear Felix’s scoff. He doesn’t hear the chortled “Yeah right, Changbin. Your arse is flat as a pancake. Stop faking a cold.” He doesn’t hear Changbin’s indignant protesting, his supposed blocked nose suddenly gone. He doesn’t hear any of it, just the jumbled mess in his mind of how to move forward post-fall. 

He keeps thinking about Changbin, about how he’s sick, about how maybe, even though it shouldn’t be, it’s somehow his fault. They touched lips, right? There’s every possibility Seungmin transferred some unknown disease that he’s immune to. Or maybe he injured Changbin, and he’s too ashamed to turn up to school with like, a bruised tailbone and a donut cushion. Or he has a super unsightly bruise somewhere. Or something. 

It’s weird. Ever since the ki- the _thing_ , Seungmin’s been feeling all fuzzy. Not in his head, but in his… heart. He knows he doesn’t hate Changbin. He’s known that for a while now, but the _thing_ — the happening — has changed everything. He has a feeling it’s so fuzzy because he’s got no one to talk to about it. He just can’t open up about something like this. Not only is it embarrassing, but the other person is _Changbin_ — what if he doesn’t want anyone to know that it happened? 

And he doesn’t want to admit that he felt something. Is feeling something. Is maybe at least a _little bit_ in like.

In any case, he knows the way he darted off on Monday doesn’t help anything, so with one last bite of his sandwich, Seungmin resolves to go and visit Changbin in the afternoon. He can apologise for the small (INCREDIBLY LARGE) mishap, maybe bring the guy some medicine or something to eat, make sure he’s alright, and then leave with a clean conscience. 

And maybe that’ll help all the fuzz around his heart, too. 

He hopes so. 

The trek to Changbin’s house isn’t difficult. They’ve all visited a couple of times before, played on Changbin’s multiple video game consoles until the curlews called home (or, in Jeongin’s rather apt words, wouldn’t shut the fuck up), gorged on his experimental recipe of chocolate and pear cupcakes, taken siege of his prized collection of rocks. 

It’s close to the bus station, out towards the city centre where a lot of the hustle and bustle is, and it’s easily located by its bright yellow exterior and family crest that sits above the door. It is, as Seungmin has learnt, best not to ask about why Changbin’s house looks so… eccentric. But as far as he’s aware, the problem with mashing his parents’ senses of style together is that they struggle to compliment each other, and significantly so.

Approaching the intercom, Seungmin wrings his hands before pressing the bell. He has half the mind to turn around, but Changbin’s mother answers the door, her face splitting into a sparkling smile when she sees him, and it’s too late. They’ve only met twice, and she stumbles a little over his name (he thinks she calls him something vaguely alike to Jeongin in the end, though), but she ushers him in and quickly leads him to Changbin’s room without asking any questions. 

“It’s so nice of you to be visiting him, darling. I’m sure he’ll appreciate it a lot.” 

Seungmin tries not to laugh, but only manages to conceal it into a huff through his nose. 

“He’s just asleep right now, but I’ll let you in. He won’t mind.” 

He wonders how well Changbin’s mother knows his son. Or at least, how much he talks to her, since Seungmin feels like he _would_ appreciate one of his actual friends visiting. And he _wouldn’t_ mind his actual friends coming into his room while he’s still asleep and waiting for him to wake up. But Seungmin is Seungmin. He’s not an actual friend. 

Nonetheless, he comes in and takes a seat in the chair Mrs. Seo takes from Changbin’s desk, and thanks her as she leaves, watching as she closes the door behind her. He looks around to take in his surroundings, never having actually been in Changbin’s bedroom before, and chuckles a little at what he sees. The room is massive, although he’s not surprised, and Changbin is almost swallowed whole by his bed, a tiny speck amongst the expanse of sheets. 

Seungmin’s regarding a poster hanging up on one of the walls — a rapper he doesn’t recognise — when Changbin groans and rolls over in his bed. He tenses, afraid of what will happen when the guy wakes up, but all he does is snuffle and settle down again, although this time much closer to where Seungmin is sitting.

Eventually, Seungmin gets bored of sitting around and twiddling his thumbs, so he gets up to stretch his legs. He ends up cleaning a little, picking up discarded chocolate wrappers and chucking them in the bin, dusting the tops of shelves, just small things like that. When there’s not much else to do Seungmin seats himself back down beside the bed. He regards how peaceful the guy looks, if not a little rosy, and Seungmin places a hand on his forehead to check his temperature. 

Changbin doesn’t feel all that warm although his cheeks tell another story, but Seungmin’s never been all that good at checking temperatures with his hand. Once, he was sporting a good old 39 degrees, and he had absolutely no idea when he went to touch his own forehead. He leaves his hand there, thinking maybe if he feels it for longer he’ll start to know, but somewhere along the line he falls asleep. 

⋆⋆�⋆⋆

When Changbin awakes, there’s a weight on his head. At first, he assumes it’s some kind of strange ice pack his mother’s placed on him (somehow, she’s been fooled into thinking he’s actually sick) but it’s warm, if not a tiny bit… sweaty, so it can’t be. He’s expecting it to be his mother, all flustered and worried about him, checking if he’s alright, but when he opens his eyes it’s to short brown hair instead of long black hair, and when he trails his line of sight down to the face, he gets so scared he feels like he’s being astral projected off the plane of this existence. 

Newbie. But it can’t be. 

Changbin scrubs at his eyes. 

Newbie. But it _is_. 

He’s fast asleep, right there, at the edge of Changbin’s bed, head resting on his outstretched arm that’s now lying on Changbin’s pillow since he’s moved out from underneath the boy’s hand. His breathing is soft, and he looks a lot kinder than when he’s awake, although Changbin supposes that’s his own fault. 

Steadying his breathing, he tentatively reaches out and places his hand on newbie’s head. His hair is soft, silky under Changbin’s fingers, and he feels his heart start to race. In some strange surge of boldness he scoots down, right until he’s face to face with Seungmin. 

He’s just there to observe. He’s just there to observe. God, no he’s not, he just wants to feel newbie’s lips on his again. Restrain yourself. Restrain yourself. _Restrain yourself._

But he can’t. 

He leans in.

⋆⋆�⋆⋆

Seungmin stirs to a hand stroking his hair. It’s incredibly hesitant, the touch light and almost like passing wind, but he feels it. 

It doesn’t take long for him to come to. He was visiting Changbin. He was trying to check Changbin’s temperature. He… well, he obviously fell asleep. Seungmin assumes this hand is Changbin’s. It might not be, but he thinks it’d be far creepier to be anyone else’s hand than Changbin’s. 

He concentrates on keeping his eyes closed. It’s hard because he wants to know what’s going on, but he keeps them glued shut, feigning sleep. There’s a bit of a shuffling sound, and then his face is warm with the small puffs of Changbin’s breath that he can feel against his skin. Again, he hopes it’s Changbin. Anyone else in his household and that’s possibly something worth calling the police for. 

He’s waiting for Changbin to do something. Flick his forehead to get the upper hand while he’s asleep, get out of bed and walk away, go take a piss, Seungmin doesn’t know. What he isn’t expecting is a soft press on his lips, slow and deliberate, lingering ever so slightly before it disappears. 

He can’t do it anymore. He opens his eyes. 

“How are you feeling?” he stutters. Way to play it cool, Seungmin. 

Changbin’s staring at him, obviously trying to figure out whether or not Seungmin knows he’s been kissed. But Seungmin is Seungmin, he’s not about to throw himself to the wolves like that. If there’s an escape route, he’s going to take it. Changbin doesn’t show any signs of responding to his question, and he wonders if he’s ignoring it, or if he just didn’t hear it at all.

“Wow, you really must be sick. What happened? It- it’s not my fault, right?” 

Changbin only shakes his head. 

“Well, I brought you some canned soup. It’s not warm anymore though.” 

There’s still no verbal response from Changbin, but he places the can in his open hands anyway, and leaves with the excuse that he has homework to complete.

Seungmin tries not to think about it as he walks home. He tries, but it’s really, really hard. Changbin _kissed_ him what is he supposed to do, not think about it? And that one was voluntary too, he _chose_ to do it. Wanted to do it. Did it. Maybe, Seungmin thinks, maybe he was just dreaming. And if he wasn’t, then maybe Changbin, sick and in a haze of sleep, thought he was Felix. Except that him and Felix look nothing alike. 

His heart is racing. Of course it’s racing. It’s been a good handful of months of thinking Changbin isn’t all that bad. But Seungmin didn’t know that meant he thought that Changbin was _good_. That Changbin was crush-worthy. That he liked Changbin. That he- 

Wait, what? Seungmin doesn’t like Changbin. He can’t like Changbin. What the _fuck_. 

There’s a homeless man occupying one of the benches of the bus station. He has a torn hat on the ground and he’s shaking around a battered up cardboard sign that Seungmin can’t decipher. He narrows in on the man, determined to get Changbin off his mind. He scrounges around a little to find a couple of dollars and chucks the coins in the man’s hat, ready to walk off when the man stops him. 

“Can’t pay for a poem without staying to listen to it, boy,” the man says, hand wrapped securely around Seungmin’s ankle. 

Every cell inside him tells him to run, but it’s like the man has a hold on his whole body. It’s like when he’s in the shower. It’s like when he fell on Changbin. 

“You don’t know-“ his fingers creep up Seungmin’s calf, “true fear-“ he’s gripping him now, “until you’ve witnessed the death-“ he let’s go, but his gaze is fixed, looking Seungmin right in the eyes, “of a martyr-“ he’s reaching out towards Seungmin’s face, “by the hands of God.” 

Seungmin doesn’t wait for him to finish his poem. He runs all the way home without sparing a glance back, only stopping when he’s safely inside the house with the door locked.

_You don’t know true fear until you’ve witnessed the death of a martyr by the hands of God._

Seungmin doesn’t think about Changbin again. It might have been what he had wished for, but not like this.

⋆☆⋆

The following Monday, Seungmin struggles to pick himself up to go to school. He doesn’t even want to go outside. But Hyunjin is relying on him to arrive at school on time, there’s a mini-test in chemistry today, and he can’t miss orchestra the week before competition either. 

_You don’t know true fear until you’ve witnessed the death of a martyr by the hands of God._

Seungmin shivers involuntarily. 

Lunch is louder than usual, with everyone glued to Changbin’s side and bombarding him with questions of how he’s been. Seungmin’s not listening though, all that’s going through his mind is the homeless man, and his dumb, stupid poem. 

The dumb, stupid poem that scares Seungmin to no end and he can’t get off his mind.

There’s a lull in the conversation after Jisung moves the chatter on to League of Legends, and Seungmin takes a deep breath. 

“I’m leaving this town,” he says, resolutely. 

Changbin’s head jerks over to him. 

“What?” 

“I need to go.” 

“What? Why?” Hyunjin and Changbin ask at the same time. 

Seungmin’s head is still in his lap; he doesn’t see the look Hyunjin throws Changbin. 

“Are you moving away for your dad’s work again?” Felix asks. 

“No,” Seungmin says. “No. Nothing like that.” 

He’s not leaving, of course. He just wants to. _A lot._ There’s no way he could convince his family to find a new town just because of one creepy homeless man. But maybe he’ll try and get away for a little bit, take a weekend away and clear his head of fear and Gods and martyrs. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> EDIT: Oh also I forgot to say, last chapter will be coming out next week so get excited y'all!


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hellooooo if you're here thank you for reading and welcome to the end! This chapter's in Changbin's POV so get excited lads~
> 
> I suppose I should warn that there's a little bit of implied violence in here! Nothing too serious though so don't worry!

It’s his fault. 

It’s his fault, right? There’s not really much of a point in denying it. 

It’s obvious that Seungmin’s leaving because of Changbin. He’s pretty sure the whole table knows even if they won’t say it out loud. Their daily arguments aside, it coincides too easily with their “recent events”, and Changbin can’t really think of another reason when Seungmin’s already crossed his father’s work off the list. 

This was never his intention. 

You know that one tweet, that one where some kid had a crush on a girl in their class but they didn’t know what to do about it so they just wrote a letter that said “get out of my school”? Yeah, that tweet. That’s Changbin’s whole existence. And he’s screwed up big time, but by now he’s gone too far to take it back, and as a result his crush is _actually leaving_. 

He keeps thinking that if he just hadn’t kissed Seungmin last week — if he’d just stopped himself in time — things wouldn’t be like this. They’d still be sitting at opposite ends of the table, still be giving each other glares every few minutes, still be the same. But then there’s the staircase incident, that little old thing that made Changbin skip four days of school, and he’s starting to feel like things just weren’t meant to be. 

It’s a sign, he thinks. From God. Telling him to back off from Kim Seungmin. 

But Seo Changbin has never been a good practicing Christian. He’s a decent, will-go-to-church-if-dad-asks-nicely Christian. 

His fingers twitch. 

⋆☆⋆

Seungmin doesn’t leave. Well, not that leaving is always such an abrupt thing, but with the way things felt, Changbin had kind of expected for Seungmin to disappear on Tuesday. But he’s there, every day of the week as if he never mentioned needing to leave on Monday, and honestly, it just makes things worse for Changbin. It’s like he’s waiting for him to go now. He’s on the edge of his seat. 

Saturday. 

Of course it’s a Saturday when it happens. 

Changbin fucking hates Saturdays, they’re the worst. He’s just always shit out of luck on Saturdays, always has been, and today is no different. Surprisingly, Changbin hasn’t had a bad Saturday in a while. Distantly he notes that he hasn’t had a bad Saturday since Seungmin came to Broken Shield, but he doesn’t have the time to think about it. Not when his mind is flashing every bad thing that’s happened to him on the sixth day of the week in quick succession. 

Dislocated knee. Hyunjin cried in front of him for the first time. Bird died. Split chin. Local bakery burnt down. Grandma got hospitalised. Killed his cactus.

Watched Seungmin leave. 

It was meant to be a quick corner store run. Changbin’s secret snack stash was looking dangerously low in supply, so he’d ducked out of the house for some chips. Maybe some chocolate. Or some snakes, if they were on sale. But as he’s walking past the bus station, he spots a familiar figure at the ticket counter, and it’s like time stops for him. He’s frozen, watching Seungmin’s polite smile as he asks for a ticket, fumbling around for his wallet in his backpack. 

Changbin hesitates. Part of him wants to stop him, another part wants to at least say a proper goodbye, and another part of him just wants to up and confess. Apologise. Everything. All the words he should’ve been saying from the start. 

Instead he watches, planting himself inconspicuously behind a pillar. His shoulder juts out of the side (he’s been working out too much to remain a bean pole), but he figures Seungmin won’t find him if he’s not looking for him.

Seungmin makes a beeline for his bus stop, but stumbles when he spots something, changing the course of his trajectory. He’s dodging something, weaving through passers-by, posture collapsing in. Changbin switches to a closer pole to observe, watches Seungmin squeeze himself under the bus shelter and try to disappear to no avail. 

Someone approaches him, yanking him out of the shelter, and Changbin tenses, ready to reveal himself when he notices it’s just Dennis. Changbin lets out a quick breath of relief before he realises it’s not just Dennis. It’s never just Dennis. Dennis is not “just” anything. Dennis is Dennis, and that in itself is bad enough. 

They’re near the last stop of the busway, closest to the toilets, and it doesn’t take a genius to figure out that Dennis is trying to drag Seungmin off to the sequestered area (don’t get Changbin started on the busway bathroom, someone chucked half a Hawaiian pizza in one of the urinals once and it still burns his eyes), so he quickly follows, trying to keep himself hidden.

“Scared, are you?” the homeless man snarls. 

From the look on Seungmin’s face, Changbin can tell Dennis hasn’t brushed his teeth in a while. Not that Changbin makes a habit of observing the homeless man frequently, but he’s pretty sure he’s only seen him cleaning his teeth once in his life. Changbin shudders in Seungmin’s stead.

“I shouldn’t be so surprised you’re running. You’re a coward.” 

Dennis punctuates his sentence by jabbing a finger into Seungmin’s chest. 

“A milksop like you doesn’t deserve to live in this town anyway.” 

Changbin holds back a laugh. A-a _milksop_? Of all the insults in the world to choose from? He doesn’t have much time to be amused though, because he knows something bad is coming next. That’s how this guy works every time, although Changbin’s never been present to witness any of his attacks before. 

He sucks in a deep breath.

“Dennis, what the _fuck_ dude,” Changbin says casually, stepping out from the shadows. Maybe he’s trembling a little, but he’s trying not to think about it.

“What do you want, half-pint?” Dennis groans, turning to face Changbin. 

Half-pint is supposed to be an endearing term. It’s cute, a little heart-warming. But not when it comes from Dennis. Not with his scraggly beard and one blind eye, the scar that runs down his cheek to his collar bone, his gravelly voice. 

“Want you to let him go,” Changbin replies, trying to keep his voice stable. He doesn’t dare look at Seungmin. 

“Hmmmm. No.”

The next few moments are a blur, but when Changbin comes to there are police sirens, and Kim Seungmin is peering at his face, thumb brushing at his jaw with his eyebrows knitted closely together. Changbin blinks a few times, sunlight pouring into his line of sight, and groans as he tries to sit up, against Seungmin’s protests. 

He turns around just in time to see Dennis be pushed into the back of a police car, hands cuffed behind his back, and Changbin sighs with a shake of his head. How many times is this for him again? How many years has he spent in this routine? Changbin’s lost track, as has the whole town. Almost as if it’s not Broken Shield without Dennis going off his rocker at least once a year.

“Are you okay?” Changbin asks, turning back around to Seungmin. 

His neck aches with the action, but he tries to ignore it. 

“I-uh, I missed my bus.” 

Changbin looks down at the ticket hanging limp in Seungmin’s left hand. Right. He was leaving. He had almost forgotten about that. 

He pats the ground beside him to get Seungmin to sit down, and drags his own legs with his hands so that he can sit cross-legged. He can see how red his knuckles are, and he’s bleeding from his right hand where he faintly remembers Dennis clawed at him, but other than that he feels pretty alright.

“The police said you didn’t have to go in or anything. Said they know you and I told them what happened anyway, so.”

Changbin’s second cousin is in the police force. He must’ve been one of the cops that showed up. They’ve always been pretty lax with security around here anyway since everyone who’s grown up in Broken Shield has known each other for years, but he’s kind of surprised he’s been let off the hook so easily. He supposes it’s just another old Dennis episode, and it’s not like he’s all that injured anyway. He didn’t even pass out — just got kneed in the stomach right as the police showed up and couldn’t be bothered to pick himself off the ground. 

“You really didn’t have to do that,” Seungmin says into the silence. “I mean, I appreciate it and everything but I could’ve handled myself if I had to. I did used to take martial arts, you know. It was only for two years but that’s something, right? And then you wouldn’t have gotten hurt, and maybe I wouldn’t have missed my b-”

Changbin can’t wait for Seungmin to finish talking. 

“Is it my fault you’re leaving?” 

There’s silence. 

“W-what?” 

“You’re not leaving because of me, are you?” 

Seungmin gives him a strange look, head cocked to the side, and Changbin groans. He can’t believe he needs to clarify himself _again_. Why does he even like this guy? 

“Are you leaving because of me?” 

“Why would I leave because of you?” Seungmin asks, slowly, and Changbin is just about ready to give up. 

“Because you know that I like you now?”

He’s beyond exasperated, complete with an eye roll and a heaved sigh and all, and he doesn’t even register that he’s confessed in words with absolutely no takesies-backsies until he hears Seungmin choke. 

“Because I know that you _what_?” he sputters. 

It only dawns on Changbin then that maybe Seungmin doesn’t know. He thinks it’s pretty impossible, what with the way he’s been treating the guy, and the fact that he kissed him _voluntarily_ , and also taking into consideration the fact that Seungmin is a pretty damn smart guy. (Pretty damn smart as in an actual fucking genius, and also that he’s attractive, with the added bonus of having brains.)

“I was just going back to Bellmare for the weekend,” Seungmin says, instead of giving Changbin the response he deserves. 

Okay, so maybe he deserves nothing. But he _wants_ a response. Alright?

Changbin huffs, playing with some loose gravel that’s by his hand. He doesn’t know what to say to that. He’s embarrassed for too many reasons now, and he’s not sure what to do with himself. One of the pieces of gravel he’s playing with is definitely not gravel, and a straight up shard of glass. For some strange reason he’s reluctant to put it down, but someone else does it for him instead. 

“You shouldn’t touch that,” Seungmin whispers, taking Changbin’s hand in both of his and removing the broken piece of glass. 

Seungmin drops his hand as soon as the glass is safely away from them, almost like he’s been burnt, but hesitates to place it back in his lap. Instead, he reaches out for Changbin’s hand again, waits with his arm outstretched until Changbin holds his out, and slowly links their pinkies together, face burning a pretty pink from his cheeks to his ears. 

“I like you too,” he stutters, eyes glued to his lap. “I don’t know if- if you knew that.” 

“I didn’t,” Changbin whispers back. And, after a small pause, “I’m sorry.” 

“For not noticing? That’s okay. I was trying to not be obvious.” 

Changbin puffs out his cheeks, contemplating what to say. There’s too much to apologise for at this point, but he needs to do it. He owes it to Seungmin. 

“No, for… for being me. I guess.” 

Seungmin throws him a questioning look. 

“You know, like being a dick. And stuff. I didn’t mean to I swear, but you walked into school and you were just. You! And cute! And… stuff — I didn’t know what to do! Look, I’m sorry. I really am. You were too good-looking for me to handle. There, I said it. I didn’t know how to function around you. Because you’re- you know, you’re like. Hot.”

“A-am not!” Seungmin replies, eyes as large as saucers and mouth a gaping hole. 

“Am too! And then you decided to be a threat to me, because you literally stole my best friend from me!”

“No I didn’t.” 

“Did too! Hyunjin _loves_ you. I’ve been pushed down the ranks for sure. Number one spot is Kkami, second is Jeongin, and third is you. I’m not even in his top three anymore!” 

Seungmin laughs, his nose scrunching up as he looks over at Changbin. It makes his heart beat harder in his chest. He just wants to reach out and pinch the guy’s cheek or something, but he probably doesn’t have the permission to.

“I’m sorry too, you know,” Seungmin says, and Changbin can’t do anything but roll his eyes. Is this arsehole serious? Sorry for what? 

“I’m not done apologising, wait your turn,” he snaps, but it only draws out more laughter from Seungmin. 

When Seungmin is done cackling his head off (an overstatement but Changbin is getting impatient here), he divulges into his story of how Felix is his absolute sunshine whom he’d do almost anything for, his baby, his son, the light of his life — when Seungmin tilts his head and asks, “hold on, so you’ve never had a crush on him?” 

Changbin almost gags.

“The audacity of you to insinuate I might be so incestuous!” 

They dissolve into a fit of laughter together this time, bent over on the ground and gasping for air. Changbin can’t believe how stupid they are; how stupid they’ve _been_ , but when he looks over to Seungmin, tongue between teeth as he tries to stop himself from laughing, he might say he wouldn’t have it any other way. 

When they’ve calmed down, which takes a considerable amount of time, Changbin shuffles to his feet, hauling Seungmin up by their linked pinkies. He drags the boy away from the shard of glass, the little drop of blood on the ground that he’s not sure is his or Dennis’s, the disgusting bathrooms and the even disgustinger urinals, away from the busway that makes Seungmin flinch as he walks past. 

Changbin takes Seungmin home, back to safety, trying not to skip down the street in the pure euphoria of being _liked_ and only realises once they’ve reached the doorstep that he’s never been inside the guy’s house before. Whenever they’re around this neck of the woods they’d always just go to Hyunjin’s, and it feels weird to be standing in front of the blue house instead of the cream one. 

“Come inside?” Seungmin asks with wide eyes as he observes Changbin lingering on the front porch. 

Changbin can only nod in return, following behind as Seungmin leads him up to what he can only imagine is the guy’s bedroom, pinkies still looped around each other’s. Seungmin closes the door softly behind them, face burning brighter than before. He turns to Changbin, gaze flittering around his face until Changbin stops him with a hand to his chin, guiding Seungmin’s face down to him. 

They stare for a while, as seems to be their thing, and Seungmin reaches up to take Changbin’s hand away from his face. He’s about to protest until Seungmin guides them to his bed, sitting himself down and waiting for Changbin to join him.In another bout of boldness, he chooses to settle down in Seungmin’s lap, legs wrapping around the guy’s torso. 

“Hello,” he grins, satisfied with the surprised look on Seungmin’s face. 

“Oh, same height now,” Seungmin giggles back once he’s back to himself, earning a slap on his arm. 

Seungmin drops his head to rest on Changbin’s shoulder, and he thinks he hears an “ugh, you’re _heavy_ “ but chooses to ignore it to quietly gloat about how he’s bulked up on muscle mass recently. When Seungmin finally looks back up —which, in Changbin’s totally not impatient opinion, is after far too long, Changbin zeroes in on his lips, quirking his head to the side in question. He waits for Seungmin’s approval before leaning in, eyes fluttering closed. 

Changbin meets Seungmin in a soft press of lips that leaves him breathless, needy, begging for more. He pulls the other closer to him, hands wrapping around his waist until they’re flush chest to chest. 

“More,” he mumbles, pressing his lips together hard to stop any sounds from escaping as Seungmin buries his hands in Changbin’s hair, pulling back to mouth at his neck, down to his collarbone and back up his jaw. 

Seungmin kisses all over his face, mapping out the soft expanse and leaving a particularly lingering kiss right on the tip of his nose. He feels a little disgruntled, considering that’s what _he_ wanted to do to Seungmin and the guy just stole his thunder (and he can’t do it now, because Seungmin will complain that he’s unoriginal and trying to steal his ideas), but it feels so good that his anger dissipates quickly. Instead, he squeezes Seungmin’s waist, making him startle with a giggle. He uses it as a chance to get his hands underneath Seungmin’s shirt, pressing them against the guy’s back to soak up his warmth.

And it’s third time lucky, Changbin supposes, as their lips meet once more. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alternative title: Two times Seungbin kissed and the one time they truly, actually, totally for real meant it.


End file.
